Boundaries, Burnout, and Learning to Choose Yourself
If you’re a “yes” girly, a people-pleaser, or someone who’s constantly filling other people’s cups while quietly emptying your own, this one’s for you.
Setting boundaries is a practice that’s becoming more and more popular—and for good reason. At its core, boundaries are a personal guidebook for your emotional, mental, and physical limits. They’re what allow you to care for others without losing yourself in the process.
But if you’re not used to them, boundaries can feel strange. Maybe even impossible. You might catch yourself thinking, How am I supposed to set boundaries when people are counting on me? or What if I offend someone or damage a relationship?
And if you’re a mother, this probably hits especially close to home. The pressure to always be available, nurturing, and self-sacrificing is real. I see you—and your feelings are valid.
Boundaries matter because they quietly teach people how to treat you. They protect your energy before burnout takes over. And over time, they help you build self-respect—not through perfection, but through choosing to take care of yourself.
Part of what makes boundaries so difficult is the way we’ve been taught to think about them.
Turning the Perception of Boundaries from Negative to Positive
Girl, I’m going to tell you something straight up:
You are not a bad person for setting boundaries.
You are not any less of a friend, partner, or parent because you have boundaries.
When someone refuses to respect your boundaries, that says far more about them than it does about you.
If you’re still feeling unsure, I really encourage you to watch this TEDx talk—it beautifully reframes boundaries as an act of self-respect rather than rejection: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsHUeKnkC8
Where to Start
If the idea of setting boundaries feels overwhelming, here’s the good news: you don’t need to change who you are or suddenly become someone who says “no” with ease. Boundaries don’t begin with confrontation. They begin with awareness.
Start by noticing where you feel drained, resentful, or quietly overwhelmed. That heaviness you feel after agreeing to something you didn’t really want to do? That’s not you being dramatic. That’s information. It’s your body and mind telling you that something is being stretched too thin.
You might notice it with certain people who lean on you emotionally, or in moments where you say yes out of habit rather than desire. You might feel it when your calendar is full but your energy is empty. These moments aren’t failures—they’re invitations to pause and ask yourself what you actually need.
Boundaries can be incredibly small at first. Sometimes it’s giving yourself permission to take time before responding. Sometimes it’s choosing rest over productivity. Sometimes it’s realizing that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. These quiet choices matter.
Boundaries Feel Uncomfortable Because They’re New
If boundaries feel awkward or guilt-inducing, that doesn’t mean you’re doing them wrong. It usually means you’ve spent a long time putting other people first. When your sense of worth has been tied to being helpful, agreeable, or always available, choosing yourself can feel deeply unsettling.
Your nervous system may react at first. Anxiety might show up with questions like, What if they’re upset? What if I disappoint someone? What if this changes the relationship? That discomfort isn’t a sign of danger—it’s a sign that you’re stepping outside of a familiar pattern.
Especially for those of us who live with anxiety, boundaries can feel risky. Anxiety often tells us that keeping the peace keeps us safe. But constantly overextending yourself doesn’t create peace—it creates burnout. Boundaries give your nervous system space to breathe. They help you move out of survival mode and into something more sustainable.
Boundaries Are an Act of Care
Here’s the reframe that changes everything: boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about staying connected without abandoning yourself.
When you respect your limits, you show up more present, less resentful, and more grounded. You protect your energy instead of constantly borrowing it from tomorrow. You allow relationships to exist without costing you your wellbeing.
Not everyone will understand your boundaries, and that can hurt. But understanding isn’t a requirement for your needs to be valid. The people who truly care about you will adjust. And the ones who don’t may be showing you where you’ve been over-giving for far too long.
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re how you take care of your mental health. They’re how you build self-respect. They’re how you create space for rest, clarity, and emotional safety.
Boundaries aren’t about disappointing others —they’re about finally being kinder to yourself.
Journal Prompts:
Where in my life do I feel the most drained, resentful, or overwhelmed right now—and what might that feeling be trying to tell me about my limits?
What beliefs do I hold about boundaries (for example, that they’re selfish, rude, or damaging), and where do I think those beliefs came from?
If I trusted that my needs mattered just as much as everyone else’s, what is one small boundary I might try setting this week?